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What to do when a Facebook group member is hostile

Those of you who have been following me for a while already know the answer to this, but please read until the end anyway, since I give an example of what hostility can look like in a Facebook group, and how it might not be super obvious.

When I think of hostility, my mind usually goes to name-calling or violence. But this isn’t always the case.

Hostility can be subtle.

It can be hidden behind the phrase “it was just a joke” or “I was just having fun.”

It often goes hand-in-hand with entitlement.

And – for me at least (a woman) – it usually comes from a man. Men are also most likely to double-down or gaslight me by saying “I was just joking.”

Here is a recent case of a hostile group member from my Monetizing your Facebook Group community. It’s July as I type this, and it’s really, really hot in the Northeastern United States. Maybe the heat is creating monsters. I hope this isn’t happening to you, too, my admin friend!

Example – Passive-aggressive and unnecessary comments:

As you all well know, Facebook removed the ability for admins to automatically post content in their groups. This has significantly increased my workload, and I have been remiss in providing free content in my Monetizing your Facebook Group community.

I apologize for that as I really do love helping admins, but also, there are only so many hours in the day.

First, some background:

One of my longstanding “quick tips” to keep group members reminded that your group exists, is to change the emoji in the group name every month. This keeps the group name consistent, but all group members get an alert when the name is changed.

Here’s how to do it:

It’s a bit of a hack – and it works really well – as you’ll see below.

I was late in changing my group emojis this month due to the July 4th holiday, and I scrambled and did it yesterday. Then I got this comment:

Example of hostile facebook member screenshot

To be fair to Ralph, I haven’t been posting a lot of content lately.

And to be fair to me, I don’t owe Ralph anything.

He could have commented with:

“I haven’t been visiting this group lately because not a lot is going on.” – or –

“I miss your free tips and content!” – or –

He could have posted a Facebook-related question independently.

But, nah, Ralph went with “I’m a very mad man because you didn’t give me anything!”

I thought maybe Ralph just needed some education on how he could use this tip to help his own group, but Ralph didn’t want that, either:

Example of hostile facebook member screenshot

Ralph also hates capital letters and punctuation.

Anyway, I reminded Ralph that group membership is optional! He thought that was hysterical, but still stayed in the group. And Karen called him out on his hostility.

How did Ralph respond?

“I am just having fun.”

Really, Ralph? This is fun? Picking is fun for you? What is your idea of something that is not fun? Just wondering…

Example of hostile facebook member screenshot

Don’t be that person, Ralph. You’re just being a jerk. It’s not a good look.

Unfortunately, I kept engaging.

I am really tired of people thinking they’re “owed” something by group admins:

Example of hostile facebook member screenshot

(Note that the angry elf reference is from one of my favorite movies of all time, “Elf.”)

Anyway, after that final comment, I came to my senses. No more back-and-forth. Ralph had to go.

Example of hostile facebook member screenshot

And remember, when  you remove and block someone from your group, don’t forget to block future accounts AND block them from your personal account as well.

Just get ALL the negativity out!

Remember, you do not need to allow yourself to be a victim of hostility and anger from a group member. You’re not anyone’s punching bag!

Hope this was helpful!

And thanks to Ralph for getting me to post some new content.

Stay tuned for another example of entitled and hostile group members in my next post…


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